I need to learn how to knit so I can make these...
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Skyping with Allison
This is Allison
Allison is my roommate. I live with her.
And yet, when she leaves for ONE DAY. We skype for an hour.
Excuse me, I mean an hour and a half.
That Special Time of the Month
This is an actual e-mail that was sent to the company Proctor and Gamble about one of their popular feminine products.... Alyssa, this is for you!
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.
But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'
Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh!t. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . ...
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.
But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'
Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh!t. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . ...
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
THIS is what I needed!
I found this on a blog of a friend, I am posting it here because I was SO unsatisfied with the ending of the Harry Potter Books and this was given by JK Rowling herself so it's the real deal. It's so much more fulfilling.
Harry Potter married Ginny Weasley. They had three children, James Sirius, Albus Severus, and Lily Luna. He became head of the Auror’s Department under Kingsley Shacklebolt.
Ginny Weasley played quidditch for the Holyhead Harpies. After deciding to raise a family, she retired and became Senior Quidditch correspondent at the Daily Prophet.
Hermione Granger married to Ron Weasely and had two children, Rose and Hugo. Hermione went back to Hogwarts and sat her NEWTS before working for Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and helping house elves. She then moved to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement where she eradicated pro-pureblood laws.
Ron Weasley went to work with George at Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes until he became an Auror for the ministry.
George Weasley married Angelina Johnson and turned Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes into a lucritive business. They had two children, Fred and Roxanne.
Bill and Fleur Weasley have three kids, Victoire, Dominique and Louis. Victoire seems to have a romantic interest in Harry’s godson, Teddy. She was named after the victory at Hogwarts, since her birthday shared its anniversary.
Charlie Weasley stayed single and continued working with his dragons.
Percy Weasley married a woman named Audrey. They had two daughters, Molly and Lucy.
Arthur Weasley went on as Head of the Office for the Detection and Confiscation of Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects.
Albus Dumbledore had fallen in love with Grindelwald at one point when he was younger. He felt he had lost track of his morals while with Grindelwald, so after this he led a celibate and scholarly life.
Dudley Dursley went on to be married and have children. Harry occasionally went to visit with him, but did not maintain a relationship with the other Dursleys.
Rubeus Hagrid continued to work at Hogwarts and would have young Albus Potter to his hut to tea.
Neville Longbottom married Hannah Abbott. He went on to be the Herbolgy professor for Hogwarts.
Hannah Abbott ran the Leaky Cauldron.
Luna Lovegood married Rolf Scamander much later than Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny married. They had twin sons Lorcan and Lysander. She became a famous naturalist.
Firenze was allowed back into the herd.
Dolores Umbridge was arrested, interrogated and imprisoned for crimes against muggleborns.
Rita Skeeter kept writing. When asked about what happened to her, JK Rowling laughed and said she probably wrote a book about Harry after he defeated Voldemort.
Severus Snape ’s portrait was not put in the headmaster’s office at Hogwarts because he resigned before he died. But Harry told everyone of Snape’s innocence.
The Defence Against The Dark Arts job is no longer jinxed. When Voldemort was killed, the jinx lifted and the school can now keep a D.A.D.A teacher for more than a year.
Draco Malfoy married Astoria Greengrass (younger sister of Daphne) and had a son named Scorpius
Cho Chang married an unnamed muggle.
Mr. and Mrs. Longbottom (Neville’s parents) never got to leave St. Mungo’s. When asked about them, J.K. Rowling said “The damage is done.”
Hogwarts is led by an an entirely new Headmaster (McGonagall was getting a little old).
J.K. Rowling lives wealthy ever after. “I’m dealing with a level of obsession in some of my fans that will not rest until they know the middle names of Harry’s great-great-grandparents,” she said in an interiew. But she also said “I love it. I’m all for that.”
Ginny Weasley played quidditch for the Holyhead Harpies. After deciding to raise a family, she retired and became Senior Quidditch correspondent at the Daily Prophet.
Hermione Granger married to Ron Weasely and had two children, Rose and Hugo. Hermione went back to Hogwarts and sat her NEWTS before working for Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and helping house elves. She then moved to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement where she eradicated pro-pureblood laws.
Ron Weasley went to work with George at Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes until he became an Auror for the ministry.
George Weasley married Angelina Johnson and turned Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes into a lucritive business. They had two children, Fred and Roxanne.
Bill and Fleur Weasley have three kids, Victoire, Dominique and Louis. Victoire seems to have a romantic interest in Harry’s godson, Teddy. She was named after the victory at Hogwarts, since her birthday shared its anniversary.
Charlie Weasley stayed single and continued working with his dragons.
Percy Weasley married a woman named Audrey. They had two daughters, Molly and Lucy.
Arthur Weasley went on as Head of the Office for the Detection and Confiscation of Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects.
Albus Dumbledore had fallen in love with Grindelwald at one point when he was younger. He felt he had lost track of his morals while with Grindelwald, so after this he led a celibate and scholarly life.
Dudley Dursley went on to be married and have children. Harry occasionally went to visit with him, but did not maintain a relationship with the other Dursleys.
Rubeus Hagrid continued to work at Hogwarts and would have young Albus Potter to his hut to tea.
Neville Longbottom married Hannah Abbott. He went on to be the Herbolgy professor for Hogwarts.
Hannah Abbott ran the Leaky Cauldron.
Luna Lovegood married Rolf Scamander much later than Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny married. They had twin sons Lorcan and Lysander. She became a famous naturalist.
Firenze was allowed back into the herd.
Dolores Umbridge was arrested, interrogated and imprisoned for crimes against muggleborns.
Rita Skeeter kept writing. When asked about what happened to her, JK Rowling laughed and said she probably wrote a book about Harry after he defeated Voldemort.
Severus Snape ’s portrait was not put in the headmaster’s office at Hogwarts because he resigned before he died. But Harry told everyone of Snape’s innocence.
The Defence Against The Dark Arts job is no longer jinxed. When Voldemort was killed, the jinx lifted and the school can now keep a D.A.D.A teacher for more than a year.
Draco Malfoy married Astoria Greengrass (younger sister of Daphne) and had a son named Scorpius
Cho Chang married an unnamed muggle.
Mr. and Mrs. Longbottom (Neville’s parents) never got to leave St. Mungo’s. When asked about them, J.K. Rowling said “The damage is done.”
Hogwarts is led by an an entirely new Headmaster (McGonagall was getting a little old).
J.K. Rowling lives wealthy ever after. “I’m dealing with a level of obsession in some of my fans that will not rest until they know the middle names of Harry’s great-great-grandparents,” she said in an interiew. But she also said “I love it. I’m all for that.”
SO excited for Harry Potter 7!! I'll be in NYC when it comes out!!!
MOTHER- You need to buy the tickets NOW!!!
Ron Weasley is Smokin', plus I love a man in a bow tie ;)
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Tuesday, November 2, 2010
You Know You're a Nerd When...
...You get really excited over Lord of the Rings Risk. That's right, I said...
Lord. of. the. Rings. Risk.
I've never played risk but now I must play it. Check it out.
Lord. of. the. Rings. Risk.
I've never played risk but now I must play it. Check it out.
Christmas Wish List
November 1st is the start of all things Christmas!! I am listening to "Baby It's Cold Outside" as we speak! But along with the joyous occasion of Christmas music is dreaming of presents! I'm getting to that point where presents don't really matter, it's not as big of a deal as the food, music, christmas trees, etc. I'm getting excited just thinking about it! So to get myself in the Holiday mood, I've composed a Christmas Wish List. Don't get confused. I don't expect to get any of this, infact, some of them I'll probably end up getting myself! But it's still fun to compose The List!
A Poster of Diane Arbus' "Child with a Toy Hand Grenade in Central Park", It's my favorite photo!
A New iPod (my other is slowly dying, and of course it must be red!)
Brown and White Saddle Shoes
A Moleskin Notebook
Cool iPhone cover no?
THIS I want! Wooden covers for an iPhone
Bob Marley Record/LP
Minolta X-700 (this is the camera I have for my photography class but when class is done, I'll have to give it back :(
Medium Format Camera- The plastic Holga Camera (you can get them for cheap at Urban Outfitters)
I've always wanted a grey leather jacket similar to this
Medium Format- Hasselblad Camera, some can be expensive but I NEED one!
I've always wanted a "Keep Calm" poster in red!
John Lennon "Imagine" Record/LP (I have yet to find one 2nd hand)
A metal Beatles lunch box. I almost bought this exact one in Disney World, but I didn't and now I regret it SO much... but please, no cartoon "Yellow Submarine" please!!
Not Pictured:
Star Wars Twin Flannel Sheets! (Only Original Trilogy of course)
Grey Wool or Brown Tweed Back Pack (seen HERE)
Candy Apple Red Nail Polish from OPI
Polaroid Film (I'm completely out!)
French Hymnbook
Original Star Wars Trilogy DVD set
Black and White Diana F+ film (Also completely out, also at Urban Outfitters)
iTunes card
Also notice that this list is also located on the side of my blog under "My People"... just for future reference ;D... hint hint
Clocks
Are these not AMAZING!! I would make one myself only I'm too attached to all my records. But I thought the idea was cool
Monday, November 1, 2010
GUESS WHAT!!!
I GOT IT!!!
I got a job in Disneyland!!! As I was driving home today I noticed I got a missed call from Disney. I thought it was for Disney World since the area code said Florida, but I called her back, left and message and waited. A short while later, Annette (how perfect is that? A mouseketeer called me!) called me back and offered me a position at the Disneyland Resort! As....
An Attraction Hostess!!
That means I'll be working on an Attraction, or a ride! I won't know which ride until I get there probably but I'm just so excited!! I will start on January 16th 2011 and I'll be there all the way until August 13th 2011. So a good LONG time!
I'll have my car down there with me and I'll be living in Disney housing again, only they don't have BYU housing, but that's alright. I'm going to request to live in Wellness housing (so no drinking). The housing is A LOT nicer than the housing I was stuck in down in Florida and I won't have to rely on freaking buses. Those were the worst!
The only downside to this all, is that I was hoping for guest relations to be a tour guide. But the nice thing about it is that I can try for it again in four months once I get there. And that way I'll be able to experience more than one job... IF and I mean IF, I want to... I could just end up loving the job that I get and might not want to change. So we will see. But...
I'm Going to...
Halloween
For this Halloween season, I decided to give in to the requested. People have always ben telling me that I look just like Snow White and how I need to be snow white in Disneyland/ World. So I decided to give it a try. A couple of my Disney roommates had decided to dress up as their corresponding Disney Princess so I went down to join them.
I found an awesome costume online (in September... I got it cheaper that way and I was WAY ahead of the game) and then drove down to Provo by myself, only after surviving a smoking fan in my dashboard did I arrive safely. Although my car had to be taken in and I was stranded until today, but I had fun with my extra day.
The most fun was getting dressed up. We were going to take Trysten's cousins trick-or-treating so we got early WAY ahead of time. But it was so much fun!! The best part by far. We went out with the heard of kiddies for a while until it started to rain and then we met up with my roommate Kendall and her roommates for dinner at Terra Mia (wonderful quick italian place). And after that we went to a dance at UVU; Me, Snow White; Trysten, Ariel; Kalen, Belle (Sister to Trysten); Sam, Peter Pan (friend of Trysten and Kalen); and Katie, Cinderella. The dance was kind of a bust but it was SO much fun to show off our costumes! After that we were just exhausted so we went home and to bed. We were going to watch a scary movie but we were so tired, so we decided to save it for the actual Halloween day.
This is kind of short because I've spent all day in a car and then frantically getting homework done so I have to go to bed, but I had to post some pictures from this weekend!
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